Part 2 - Sex after Cancer
Is there ever sex again?....Have you put sex "on the shelf"?
Well I won't make you read through the whole article to find out. YES, there is sex after vulvar cancer.
Cancer can take a toll on your physical and mental health. It can also affect your sexual health a great deal. A changed body image, the stress of fighting your disease, or side effects of treatment can complicate life in general to say the least. So if you have put sex on the shelf and feel like taking it down, this article is for you. I hope that this article can help you start on the right pathway to being sexually active again.
Intimacy may be easier said than done at times, finding ways to have pleasure for the first time after surgery or a bad illness can be scary. The pain and fear can also lead to frustration and tension between partners. It can affect your sex life like a bomb hit it. Don't feel like you are alone. You are not the first nor will you be the last person on this earth to to feel this way.
Making the first move is the hardest part. When really is a good time? You know yourself and your partner the best. You may no longer feel as young and attractive, you may have trouble sleeping, and at times your whole body can feel like a truck just ran over it. But there are days when you will feel better. They are the days that you have to take advantage of. Sexual activity may be a less spontaneous, more planned activity in order to address issues of fatigue & pain. Maybe you can plan to have sex an hour after taking your pain medication. Is there a certain time of day that is best for you?
What is sex? Well I am not going to get into the birds and the bees. I asked this question for you to imagine what you consider sex is? We all have different views and meanings. We have all been taught that sex has to be intercourse in the traditional manner. Well that is just not so. Sex can be whatever you and your partner what it to be. Whatever is comfortable and fun for you both. We all fear the unknown, so the more we learn about our sexuality the less we will be afraid. You can have great fun exploring each other.
So where do you
start? Everyone is different, doing
something you are both comfortable with to start is best. Just
touching can help you feel cared for and reduce anxiety and depression. So
concentrate on showing your feelings for one another in other ways by enjoying
being close to each other, touching, stroking and massaging each other. A
back rub with some scented oil can be a good start. Another
strategy may include trying different positions. Experiment alternative
methods of pleasuring. Most of all take things at your own pace until
you are both comfortable.
In order to attain the type of intimacy that great sex requires, trust and security are essential.
Talk about it afterwards. In as much detail as you can manage, talk about what you did. Discuss what you liked, why you liked it and how you can recreate it or improve it. You are in this together; discuss what worked and what didn't, but focus on what worked.
Tips for a special encounter: